Have come a long way…cleaning and such...

I have been home (Worcester) from Paris for almost two weeks now.  The first few days were great, meeting friends and family and catching up on the happenings of last year.  However things are getting a bit slow because I have seen and visited all friends and family and  the honeymoon period is over.

Since I have been out of the house for so long,  my parents have used my room as storage… I mean there is stuff everywhere, my closet is packed full (none of which is mine), TVs and DVDs, cloths and what not’s, my bed is full of stuff as well, there’s no place to sleep, I mean picture a storage room.

All of that to say, I need to do some summer cleaning before I could feel at home. I was initially sleeping in my twins room (he was away but he usually comes home every two weeks so his room is clean)

The cleaning turned out to be “deep” cleaning…. I cleaned the stuff my parents have in my room aright but then thought to clean out my own stuff. You see I have been keeping every paper I wrote in high school, notes from class, my first cell phone registration and bill, car insurance receipts, awards, letters from around the world I receive from strangers I meet, pictures, postcards,  magazine, books from high school, post high school up until now. I didn't realize I piled all these things up until I started digging. It is really interesting and kind of crazy the stuff I have been digging out. A few of things are off course post cards from Robin Island, RSA, pictures of my host family in Kayleisha and Langa (townships in South Africa), magazines and reports from Lovelife, pictures, letters, and award letters from National honor society (High School) award nights, agenda, gifts and awards form the Worcester mayor at the time, Tim Murray (Now a MA governor) pictures with Mrs. Prior (high school guidance councilor) Mrs. Waters (honors English teacher), and Mr. King, my science teacher who also had twins at the time.

I also found the agenda for HERC (the pre college program I was involved in) graduation which stated all the candidates graduating that year, their aspirations in 10 years and what they remember most… of course one of the graduates was my twin brother and I. Looking through it made me happy but sad, ill talk about this later.

Just yesterday my dad had come home with a gift for me; a business card from sister Weekes, the HERC coordinator. She saw my dad who told him I was home from France. Of course Sister Weekes wants to catch up and hear all about what I’m doing.  To be candid, Sister Weekes has been a great mentor and supporter since high school. She has made an effort to meet with me (even if briefly), every time I am home (since I’m always travelling), always been there to write all and any recommendation needed. I mean she has been my go to person for EVERYTHING and really, its always a pleasure to meet with her.

This is the scary thing though, not that Sister Weekes is not doing well, she is actually, but from when I first met her (about 7-8 years ago) she had her MBA from a prestigious business school, had three kids who were getting ready to go to college and everything seems to be working out for her. I mean things are  still working out for her, don't get me wrong. However these days, Worcester is dead, she is working for an organization I thought she wouldn't even accept an offer from, she’s maybe changed job plenty of times… yes and that's what scares me the most… Yea I guess its more that I am afraid ill end up in the wrong profession, and hence have to keep changing jobs often in order to find what it is I’m interested in, as opposed to knowing what I am interested in  now and progressing from there (in which case, it will be okay to change jobs often because in so doing ill be making my way up??? I don't know, I’m just thinking  as I write so think with me, get into my head and help me think) She is one of the best we have and she’s impacted so many lives, maybe that’s what I should be looking at instead of where she’s working, how often she’s changed jobs etc. Obviously she’s happy with her job and life, she looks happy. 

But I am afraid ill be stuck in a dead city somewhat struggling financially and face the challenge of constantly changing jobs because my current job is not good enough or my spouse (whoever it may be) is doing a basic job, God forbid!.  I don't know why I say or write these things, I think I want to be rich and be confortable and have extras to help others.  I don't want to be the one to be helped, I want to be the one to help. I have been helped my whole life and I want a chance to help others and give back and I feel that although money is not the end of, it is a huge part of it, maybe that's why  I want to be rich so bad, maybe that's why I want a good paying job, maybe that's why I want to find my passion so I’m not constantly searching. Maybe that's why I wanted to be a doctor so I can always guarantee myself ill have a job but maybe being a doctor is not my thing…obviously because I’m now doing something else. But just maybe that's what draws me to the doctor profession because I feel financially secure although I felt I struggled doing my physics and chemistry in college. (I still did it though and passed)

As I looked through the HERC graduation agenda and read what’s on my page, I feel I have betrayed myself… why? Because in it so much has changed… I have done very well for myself, no doubt but totally the opposite of what is written in that agenda… Does it necessarily mean I have failed? No not at all but I feel the fact that I went the opposite of that is telling… what it’s telling I don't know. Maybe it means I was tricking myself then or that I really did betray myself… Oh well. I’m not sure to throw it out or keep it though it makes me sad when I read it. I’m not sure how my colleagues (also in there) are doing but I have resolved to not compare myself with others. Maybe what I am doing is what I am meant to be or is my consolation that I have done well for myself and hence it’s okay? It’s the one piece I decided to keep from all of that “stuff”, I can’t let go of the agenda but I don't want to read it again… I’m meeting with Sister Weekes in three days, maybe ill show it to her and hear what she has to say

Moving on, I am sifting through contracts for college loans, medical insurances, high school and college transcripts, again awards and accolades, fundraising letters for Guatemala, pictures for work in Guatemala city and Antigua, Santiago, SAT, ACT and MCAT books and scores. 
MCAT scores from 2005, projects and presentations done for UMASS medical school and seminars attended at Harvard University. Sooooo many business cards, most of which I cannot identify, but I could identify two people, Margaret Kerr and Mrs. Hammond Hines, two strong women who were my mentors during my pre med years. During my confused, growing up, coming of age years I have always gone to them for advise… were they right? And have I disappointed or have I pursued what I believed at the time was good for me and how has that panned out for me? I cannot answer that question on this entry, maybe next time or better yet, you can help me answer it. Leave a comment.

Next phase… still going through “my stuff”, I guess things get older and older as I get to the bottom. Of course the biggest birthday card I have ever received is here as well. It is from Germany, from my cousins (very little at the time) wishing me happy birthday in a language they weren’t familiar with, English… well that made my day especially after reading all these MCAT, physics, biology tests and papers… now that I think of it, wish I had taken pictures of all of those before putting them in the trash… but its too late now… see this is my life, I do think the right thoughts, they are usually just too late  though, that's how I see it at least.

Things seem to get dicey the more I dig down!! This time  I not only found my drivers permit from 2002 but also a love letter from an ooooold friend, Fiifi..  ha! Oooh wow, it turned out not to be just Fiifi but sooo many of  my friends from Peters who had moved on… to marry,  to JSS (Junior Secondary School) etc.: Cynthia Anaba, Brother Vivi William, Brother Humphrey, Eunice Yaney, Isaac Boakye, Janet and some of whom I just could not remember.
 Frankly the letters made me cry, I’m not sure they were expressing so much love because they really love me like they say in those letters or because I was now in America,  I will never be able to make that judgment but always give people the benefit of the  doubt (I know, it always gets me into trouble). Of course Ghanaian letters are supper exaggerated too “I am writing from the highest mountain in Kumasi… it is without distracted joy that I write you this letter, I love you soo much”… what did we know about love then? Oh well, I’m grateful for those letters and this summer clean up.  I’ll post some of the letter here. Feel free to squint and read. Takes me back a few years and helps me reflect  if anything…. Well I’m still not even halfway done so ill keep writing as I  did deep…

Now I am gong through my dairy from when I was in Guatemala in 2003 with my church and in 2004 with my college. As well as diary entries from when I was studying in South Africa.  Oooh guess what else I came across. My days of modeling  with John Robert Powers Modeling Agency in Boston ha! What a life I have led in my very short years on this earth. I feel I have done everything! And yet…

And…  this is going to sounds crazy but feel free to roll your eyes. I left my bible in Paris because it was soooo heavy and will not fit in my bag. Upon arriving in the US, I felt it was the one thing I should have brought. The thought of spending three months without my bible just made me really sad… its kind of strange because its not like I read my bible everyday psss (I’m just being real. Of course I’d love to be able to read it everyday – ill make that a point this summer… God first or no food, yea you got me on that one)…. Sigh maybe that's why I’m so depressed. Looking through my “stuff” I came across the bible that took me through high school and college, it is beaten and almost falling apart BUT it made my day! I feel safe now… yes it's a strange feeling but I hope you get the point.

I’m not done done yet but 75% through and its late…. Time to take a shower and rest.  Ill post this so that if you are wondering online looking for something to read… well, you can think, read and try to figure out what I’m thinking, my life…


Until then, ill keep eating my rice and stew and keep my mom happy (she is happy i "gained a few pounds and getting heavier")

Freda Ampofo

My life as it stands: Re: Wisdom, discernment, life, decisions, contentment!!!

It seems obvious when i blog because i seem to only do it when something is up. Today especially because i have been struggling with trusting, self confidence, decision making and a whole slew of things. Funny thing is sometimes i feel I'm deteriorating because these are all things i used to have  in abundance or seem to be able to do without difficulty. I used to be over confident, at least to the point where it was unhealthy. Used to know what decisions to make and why i would make them. Used to know what is good for me and what was not. Used to know what i wanted to do with my life, or at least had ideas and goals to pursue them

However, as i grow up, i seem to be loosing all of this. I seem to becoming more jealous, stupid, more and more indecisive and worse of all can't seem to figure out what is happening? I was not expecting to know it all as i grew up, but i expected to be able to build on what i had or knew rather, it seems I'm taking multiple steps back every day. I have been spending time really searching my life and seeing what has been/ is missing and i can't come up with anything really... I have had  and continue to have good friends, i have lots and lots of people who love me, i am not swimming in money but have enough to provide for my needs and more, i have had numerous opportunities (education being just one of them)... really, i seem to have everything i need so whats wrong... I don't know.

I am very confused these days trying to pin point what i want to do with my life. I seem to be all over the place... today i want to do this, tomorrow i want to do that and so i can't even talk to people who want to help me because i seem to not know what I'm doing. Today as i was sitting and thinking (like i always do), i thought to myself, all of this has to stop! But how can i get it to stop?

The only thing i could think of that i used to do that I'm not doing now is that i used to be faithful to God in that i sinned (i am human) but i read my bible and diligently prayed and made conscious efforts to be a "practical christlike". I suppose this helped me to be content with what i had, not worry about what i didn't have, made me joyful, made me smile, and just plain happy.... I am happy these days but i feel its a fake happy. In fact i don't really understand myself these days. Things i used to dislike about people, i seem to do these days and of course its been hard finding time to read the bible, let a lone pray... and when i do, i don't seem to believe it and i do it out of guilt. As part of wanting to stop all this, i thought, I want to go back to where i was, to the place of happiness and joy, smiles and contentment.... But i dont know how because it seems impossible. I have friends who are very positive and encouraging and yet none of their love or encouragement gets to me.

This January, i have decided to fast  for 30 days, not because i enjoy starving myself (and you know this is true if you have lived with me) but because i want to take responsibility for my happiness and my life! I want to be happy again, i want to smile, i want to be content with what i have. I want to be happy to see others happy and making it. More importantly, i want to be on God's side. I want to trust him again and believe in his promises and enjoy spending time with him, in prayer. I want to be carefree like i used to. I want to be the FREDA i know.  But why fasting? Why not just try and get back on track. Well, i feel this is more spiritual than anything. And if my guessing is right, then i need more than just prayers. I know this works because i have done it before and i saw the results then so why not now. Then i knew God was on my side and even though i cried sometimes, i knew he was there with me when it happened. And because of that, i smiled even in the midst of crying. I don't see God these days when i cry and that saddens me.  I am taking it by "force" as the folks from Jesus house will put it. I need to get my life on TRACK

Emmanuel (for those who know him) and I have been sharing devotions and reflections each day. I must admit i haven't been very good with writing as much as reading and gleaning from his, but it has been very encouraging to read and see the transformation God's word can bring. Today, i have decided to write and boi, it seems you are in for a treat, so relax and enjoy!

I started my fast later in January as i was traveling and staying with people so i couldn't be fasting while being hosted. Today is day 8 i think and the  fast has been great in that i haven't felt the physical difficulties very much (praise God) but more so i have seen myself grow a bit. I have been able to pray, worship, read the bible (not as much as i want to but enough for where i am and of that i am grateful). I have also began to truly love people, to forgive, to smile and really starting to see a new me.... Of course i cry a lot because  often times i don't know how i got here and i don't know how i became so bitter and hateful and just all over the place... But i am grateful that i found a way back to God.

School has started and that presents a lot of challenges for me . For one thing, i am afraid i will not get time to spend with God as i will be very busy trying to get work done. Another thing is that i tend to freak out these days because when I'm confronted with difficulties, i just chicken out. I am praying that by the end of this fast, i would have made a lot of progress with my self confidence, trust in God, being assertive (thanks Monet) and my ability to tackle economic classes or do a confident presentation etc

I have a lot to do today but i have decided to do a blog post because i thinking its very important in documenting what I'm going through.  i have decided to read a lot of passages today and i am hoping to share some of it to those of you who will have access to this (very few).

The first passage i stumbled upon was 1 Kings 3. And its funny because it sort of attacks one of the issues I'm dealing with, wisdom in the broad sense but also self confidence and discernment. Tears started flowing  as i read it. For the first time in a while, i see myself wanting wisdom from God for every decision i make. It was so great to know (again) that God gives wisdom, gives it freely and adds to it more than we ask. Solomon asked for Wisdom,  God gave  him that plus riches, long life... +. Today i am asking God for Wisdom and i am receiving it  in faith.  I am putting my life in his hands and i want to make the best decisions he has created me to make. With this, i am also asking for Godly discernment in what i see and interpret. That He will guide me in all my decision making. I know  and believe that, getting my confidence back will robin other things in my life and fill the gaps that are missing. It will also make me happy because  i will know i am making decisions with wisdom from above. So help me God! 


Regarding relationships: It is very difficult for me because  i enjoy being with people and exchanging, listening and playing with ideas. Its been especially difficult for me because i have been involved with a guy who is just amazing! Very patient with me, sweet, hard working... really everything a  woman like me could ask for. However, i find myself wavering in where i stand. And i think the challenges I'm currently facing in particular has contributed to this wavering. I am crying as i read 1 kings because  in addition to me hurting this gentleman (by not knowing where i stand with my decision), i also hurt myself because i keep wavering on my judgement... i don't seem to know what i want for/from myself, let alone from a relationship. I pray that the God of Wisdom will direct me in my thoughts and judgement so i can make wise decision whether it is about relationships, school, jobs or just giving advise to friends. The discernment to know what is right and what is wrong.

The second passage i read is from Proverbs 2:1-6: This is great because it talks about not only wisdom but also understanding. This is important to me because  i have been having difficulties in understanding lately (something that  was almost non existent in my life - i have seriously been smart most of my life - okay you can roll  your eyes), making my grades suffer a bit. Its stemming from not being able to have friends  (here) who will form study groups, or the fact that I'm always getting stuck with the wrong group (people who don't like to work or contribute) and hence affecting my grades. I think sometimes that people also assume for whatever reason  that i am not smart enough and being in this situation where I'm almost loosing my self confidence, i end up buying into this and proving them right. This is the end of it though... this is it because today i have read proverbs and it has taught me not only to ask for Wisdom from God but also understanding in cracking all the codes of economics. This year and the ones to come, I'm going to an econ genius, at least to the point where i am over passing my classes. Praise to God!!! "for the Lord gives wisdom and from his mouth comes knowledge and understanding"

Third passage is Rom. 12:1-3. It is pretty amazing how all these passages have something to say about wisdom and decison-making in different ways. "Do not conform any longer to the ways of this world... but BE transformed by the renewing of your minds - then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good pleasing and perfect will". My response? Wow, wow, wow. Do not conform... so this is how  i am understanding this passage. All the lies i have been believing about my self confidence, my inability to make concrete decisions about relationships and career, inability to discern is all the work of the world and of the devil and TODAY i REFUSE to conform to all those ideas! I commit to "renew" my mind and spirit through reading and praying and trusting in God to provide these, because after all, he's done it before right? (those days when i was too confident because i read and believe the bible and trusted God to have everything under control) so why not now.

The next passage i read today is from Ephesians 5:15-17 "Be careful then how you live, not as  unwise but WISE, making the most of every opportunity because the days are evil". How did i forget all of these verses? (Emmon Obonsam ne ho y3 den - Just for my Ghanaian readers). Thank you Emmanuel for being the Godly voice of reason and staying up night after night and praying with me over Skype and FaceTime, quoting the bible on my reason to trust the bible and being patient in really explaining the bible to me. God bless you. Many times i have talked to many of you as disliking Science Po for many reasons, some of which being the fact that I'm struggling in my economics class with no one seeming to want to help, having difficulties making true friends as people seem to only want to be friends when you have something they want and once they have it, they are gone and gone, doubting my coming to France in the first place (for many reasons). This passage reminds me once again (and again thanks to Emmanuel  for the discernment and advice on many occasions) That i should be wise and make use of the opportunities God has given me, because coming to France is one of them. God brought me to France for a reason. I don't know how many people from Ghana get the opportunity to study at prestigious schools in France...  I am affirming today that from now on, i will  live as a wise person and make the most of my time in Paris and Science Po in Jesus name!

Collosians I:9-14: What a great passage. How did i ever stop enjoying/understanding the bible? If you have  not been reading the bible lately, i encourage you to pray and start again because the things that God reveals to us as we read are just incredible!! I feel like i just won a lottery! "For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying  for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will and spiritual wisdom and understanding... bearing fruit in every good work... being strengthened  with all power... that you may have great endurance and patience and joyfully giving thanks to the father who has QUALIFIED you". I don't know if i can add anything to this. Thank you for praying for me and i say this because i know most of you have and continue to pray for me. Thank you! God has placed me here to be strengthened and he has QUALIFIED me to be here #confidence check

And lastly James 1:5-8: "And if anyone lacks wisdom, he's should ask God who gives generously to all without  finding fault and it will be given to him. BUt When he asks, he MUSTbelieve and not doubt because he who doubts is like a wave o fthe sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything form the Lord"... mmmm mmm mmm. Cant think of a better way to end this. It says it all and i add, I BELIEVE!!.

Thanks for reading and i would love to hear your feedback either by posting  comments or by sending me emails. Only a few ppl have access to this blog (password protected) so you are okay :)

I am also taking prayer requests anytime but more through my time of fasting. Nothing is too hard for God.

Prayers requests:
Thank you for surrounding me with Great friends from home and from all stages of my life who endeavor to encourage and see me do well.

I pray:
For wisdom and discernment in decision making, for my life choices, career, jobs search
For understabding in my classes and conversations i have with people
Help me to live and make the most of my time in Paris,  Science Po and afterwards
Help me to believe and not be doubtful

Bar Camp 2009 SAIS

Wow, have come a long way since 07/25/09. Seem like a while ago. Check out the video here if you cannot play.

Im not sure what i was doing at 7am this morning but somehow i was on you-tube and stumbled upon this video. Thought it was adorable. Enjoy by clicking here or watch this. Another video that perhap may not have been as funny when it happend (its funny now, trust me) is This wedding mistake. Click here to watch or

I hope this somehow makes your day better :)

The sun stood still...

Some days and months I'm super amped about updating this blog, others times, well, it could be outdated for several months. I think the pattern has been that i update it more often in the month of April, which makes sense cos its my new year. The  moment April 01 hits, its almost like i get a reminder to update the blog every day. I get super motivated and excited sometimes through friends but mostly because i am psyched to blog about life.

Well, today, just like most days, i had a dream. I was at an event for America's next top model and while i was cheering for a contestant, a friend asked me to try out for the show, so i did as is very common with Freda. Contrary to what i thought, i was accepted and asked to come in at 8 AM the following day. I don't know what happened the following day but the dream ended with me being one of the famous models in the world (i know, i like being the best... feel free to roll your yes again). It is almost like a foreshadow of my life.

This was a relatively short dream but it sheds light on a a lot of things in my life. For one, my life and the way i think can be very extreme. Example, i can be super confident sometimes and very insecure at other times (thanks God for imperfections). I tend to lack a balance. If you know me, you know i stress about what I'm gonna do or will be when i grow up. On the contrary, i also believe i will be very successful, important and very powerful (Its like the song by the Pussy cat Dolls - when i grow up). In fact, I'm so confident about this that sometimes i am at at peace when everything starts going downhill. Below were my thoughts when i woke up from the dream today:

• I don't have the confidence and the zeal to participate in America's next top model because i don't have any model experience
• I also told myself, i can do everything i put my mind to in this world and therefore i can be the most powerful super model
• But i don't have the height or the weight etc..... oh please Freda... please stop! stop! stop!
• (Good)Things have happened in my life that perhaps shouldn't have happened because i wasn't pursuing them or just wasn't in my planned schedule. For instance the feature by Emmanuel in the New Ghanaian  for the month of march or  the hair feature by Essence Magazine etc. I really do think these all came to pass because God had wanted them to happen to me, and for that i praise him
• It also reminds me, in the wake of this dream, that nothing is impossible for God. God makes a way where there is no way and performs supernatural miracles...remember the story about parting the red sea, turning water into wine, healing the blind? i can go on and on and on. God is still at work.
• I prayed to God for life, for loving  and caring friends, for dreams, for my mind/brains, for freedom and asked for discernment in life, a balance in confidence/life in general.
• Being a model can be fun though thats not where i think i want to end up, but my life is not orchestrated by me (Thank God) so i will wait on the Lord, and if this is what he wants me to be, then why not?  I may be shorter than the average model or bigger or without any experience but my God is a God of miracles!!!

 After these thoughts, i proceeded to the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth. I run to the kitchen for some fruits and then back to my room to do my devotions. Its crazy (well, i think it is). My devotion was about Joshua leading the Israelites to conquer Jericho and Ai (Joshua chapters 4-12- I read all of these cos i was glued!). Yes Joshua's army was prepared but the Lord did the work. As i read through the passages, there were soo many ways to see the hand of God in Israel defeating these cities. They were all supernatural because singing  has never caused walls to fall or obeying someone has never in itself killed armies; neither has falling hailstones killed more people in a war (Joshua 10:11)... got the point? but praising and singing praise to God out of a pure heart can do wonders; so does obeying Gods commands and trusting him to fulfill promises.

Several days ago, a friend told me a bit about what Gods had told him concerning his life. It sounded a bit ridic in the realm of human thinking, but it was funny how i  believed it because i knew God asks his people to do things that may sound yes, ridiculous, but he knows why he asks these things. The book of Joshua demonstrates this nature of God, in some regards. Thanks for sharing ITP. Some how i am very excited about this passage that i have read more than i have to, but you can never have too much of Gods word right?

This  ties very much into my dream this morning because yes the Israelites prepared for the battle but it was God who orchestrated everything and gave them victory. I believe God can do marvelous things in my life and i am very excited about that. Proverbs 16:19 says a man's heart plans his way but the lord directs his steps; Proverbs 21:31 also reads: the horse is prepared for the day of battle but deliverance is of the Lord. May God grant us the stregth to trust him with the course of our lives!!

Prayers Requests:

• For God to give Busky  a great job!
• For comfort and strenght for ITP  and Tracy even as they go through a break up. Also strenght for ITP to complete the numerous tasks on his plate
• For peace for my Aunt in Germany
• Wisdom for my cousins
• Confort for all still grieving as a rsult of the tragedy in Japan
• And strength/perseverance for all trusting in God for a miracle

Signing out!

March 28, 2011

Ok, I cant figure out the formatting for this post so pls ignore the strange formatting issues.

 7 AM:  Bro. Kwame calls from Ghana, hes leaving the house in which we’ve paid six years advance for because he THINKS mom is stalking him. But how can mom stalk him when ive been in the US with Mom. Bro. Kwame is paranoid cos no one is stalking him. He had quarreled with Bro. Yeboah upon picking up the mattress in Accra because he thinks we bought a nicer house for Bro Yeboah. Big lie BTW. Anyway, Bro. Kwame turns off his phone and refuses to talk to anyone in the family. Oh well. Too bad; can’t force you to talk to me and unfortunately, you are too old to be babysat by me.

11. 39 am: Text from ITP: GF is breaking up with him. Oh Tracy, why? Don’t you know, don’t you know that ITP loves you so much? I wish I could call and tell you how much…Anyway I hope they can come to a solution that’s best for both of them. Relationships can be difficult sometimes you know… growing pains. Good thing is, they are both mature and wise and can figure this out. #mayGodgiveuwisdom

12.07 pm: Heaven breaking loose in Germany. Well can’t talk much about this cos it’s just too much. My mom can deal with that. I am signing out of this one. Thanks for the trust y'all have in me to resolve issues but I just realized that I'm not Dr. Phil. I'm going crazy myself with everything that’s going on in my life. Cuzz, please talk to your mom and Auntie, I don’t want any more family drama #nomorefamdramapls

1.00 PM: Director of operations calls me to her office to talk about my performance. She basically thinks i seem bored at work. How is that possible? Actually shes right, although she is pleased that I go to the gym during lunch time every day. #fredastepup

4.35pm: SB steps down as director of new member orientation at YPFP. What? You are kidding right cos this can’t be true? I can barely function without SB #ineed2growup

5PM: Big tub of Yogenfroz, some reading of little bee and sleep #greatday

Signing out!

  

The journey from LOVING to.... well, DISLIKING birthday celebrations...

This is a blog i wrote  about a year ago on April 7th 2010 but refused to post. I think its overdue and so after a year, i have garnered the strength to share my thoughts with the world (well, maybe just my friends)

Today I am a year older and hence a blog post.... At first I thought I'd write about my struggles, however the more I think about it, the more I feel I should  write about my friends; in sort of a tribute to them for what great friends they've been (Sradda, Sunil, Kelsey, Pearl, Pam, Andy, Sean, Matt, Prashan - thanks for sucking up to me, i know it can be hard sometimes, but you are real troopers and i love you all so much more than i can articulate). I opted not to celebrate my birthday since freshman yeah in college... Why?? Well i figured:
1.  I can so i did
2. I am strange like that and
3. I was not happy on my birthday so i didn't see a reason to celebrate.
4. I'm a year older, that alone should be enough; a celebration is not necessary...  I thought.

But as i  grow, I find more and more that birthday celebrations and celebrations in general  are not just for the celebrants, its also for friends and families and all who helped to make that day happen; the encouragements, long nights  etc... It's a day to celebrate, to be happy but also to thank these folks for being there regardless.....

Some today on my 25, as has been for the past six years or so, decided not to celebrate my birthday... I didn't have a good reason for not celebrating other than the fact that I didn't want to celebrate... But having too many friends, I was continuously nagged about it... A month before...  So finally on the eve of April 6th, i had had too many emails in my inbox with  many requests from friends that I decided perhaps we can reach a compromise... We will do something small but something... Perhaps a dinner and no birthday cake please... I even opted to be absent at Rez group( which is on Wednesday nights) because the thought of hearing happy birthday made me gag a little... just a little (I know, I'm a different reed of a human being)

But the emails kept coming... This time I had  to make a birthday wish list ( as has been the norm with my friends and family-that way we can buy for the celebrant what they really want instead of a gift card or something they'll never use) so I made a list, sent it out and put a huge disclaimer... You don't have to get any of this.. Unless you really have to...

Long story short.. I did receive a good amount of what I had asked for in the email, the funny thing is, I had sent out the list to get ppl so they could stop bothering me, I wasn't really expecting anyone to buy anything so when I received the gifts on my birthday, it was a surprise....

My roommate Pearl did my hair beautifully the eve of my birthday so I can look extra pretty on my birthday... She opted for huge party and offered to make me breakfast on the morning of my birthday before work.. Mind you we left for work at 7 in the morning... Of course Kelsey being a big supporter of birthday celebrations, made a nice card/bannerrish thingy and placed it in front of our apt that nice with balloons and lots of glitter (was hard to miss).

All of that to say, that i love you all, very much, really.

Love,
From me